Cold Fusion!!!! The World is Saved!!!!

People, I have done it, I have finally found prrof that cold fusion exists, essentially ending the world's energy crisis and saving humanity for suffering!  So... a cat just jumped on me.  Here I was minding my own business, preparing to fill in the world on my earth shattering scientific findings, when, boom, a baby african snow leopard attacked.  All of my instincts and training told me get into attack position, but I realized I had not stretched and I would be at serious risk of pulling a hammie.  So, change in plan, I kept minding my own business and waited for the beast to fall asleep.  While overall successful, unfortunately the ferocious monster collapsed on top of me.  So here I am, with this giant cat on top of me, unable to finish telling you the secrets of the world. 

Seriously though, where did this cat come from?  I dont even own a cat.  Wait, this isnt even my apartment...

Well hello there blogosphere. Oh how I tried to resist you....first I succumbed to the stalking thrill of reading other people's blogs, and now I have been sucked into posting my own ramblings for the world to see and stalk as it pleases. But, as John mentioned, I'm very important and was practically begged to join this here blog.

So for my first bit of nonsense, I want to turn to the all important subject of cats. I'm a dog person. I like dogs. Period. Cats--I could do without them. My aversion to cats stems mostly from our childhood devil-cat, Pepper. I just wanted Pepper to be my friend. I wanted to "hug her and squeeze her into itty-bitty pieces!" and throw her over my shoulder and parade her around the house. I wanted to put funny hats on her and wrap her in blankets. I basically wanted to treat Pepper like I did our loving Labrador. Long story short, my brothers called me Elmyra

(yes friends, this is an Animaniacs reference) and the cat hated me. In turn, I hated the cat and most cats I've met since.

So when brother John and my boyfriend decided to get a cat...my first reaction--gross. My mom's ranting about her own hatred for cats only exacerbated the situation. Also, this news came at the end of a week where the office cat, Marigold, had left a pukey surprise on or near my desk every morning. And I had just discovered a tribe of cats living in the vacant house next door to ours.

However, as I was complaining to a coworker, I swear Marigold understood me. She spent the entire day sitting in my lap and loving me, basically trying to prove that her species has some redeeming qualities. I'm not totally convinced, but I am slowly learning to accept that cats are like everywhere I go now. Gross. I mean - fun!

Corporation Expansion

To all of my imaginary audience I have an important and ground breaking announcement to make.  We will soon have a new contributor to our blog.  Yes, I know, all of you have trouble understanding how anyone could improve on my already lifechanging content, but the higher ups have decided that my three week lack of posts is a severe misuse of my time and have gone over my head to bring in a celebrity writer.  You have probably heard of her through her take over of the i-banking world, but world renowned writer and connoisseur of all things awesome Katherine Perry is being brought in to spice things up a little.  I only ask that you not forget us mere mortals in the blogosphere as she captivates you with her electric ramblings about God knows what.

Seriously, I dont know why the bosses brought her on, or what she is going to write about, but I guess we will figure that out sooner or later.  Thats it for now.

Caterpillar (No Hooka)

Alright, before all of the people (not) reading this have a chance to totally jump down this little guy's throat I am going to go ahead and throw it out there.  This is the lamest caterpillar ever.  Not only did he give up his perch on some sweet mushroom somewhere, he has no hooka to be seen.  And trust me, I looked.

In all seriousness though, this is one nasty looking bug.  Bugs dont typically bother me.  im not just saying that because I am a super tough and cool macho dude (which  of course I am), but bugs snakes and critters have just never really made me uncomfortable.  That is until I met this little guy. 

This is on a tomato plant I had bought at Home Depot the day before.  The plant isnt even in the ground at this point so it is pretty safe to assume that he just traveled in my car with me.  At first I just thought he was an odd looking leaf, and I went to brush him off.  But as my hand approached, and I do not exagerate here, that little monster turned his head, looked me in the eye and hissed at me.  Yes, he hissed.  Just like some sort of rabid animal protecting his territory.  It sent chills down my spine and he still haunts my dreams.  Granted he doesn't haunt my garden because I picked up a stick and poked at him like a little girl until he finally let go of  his deathlock on my plant long enough for me to sweep him into the creek.  I would have crushed him, but the last thing I wanted was to have his family seeking revenge.

Just look at his face, that bug is pure unadulterated evil.

DOG

This guy is buckled in for safety.

Ode to San Jose State

Oh San Jose State, you unknown, uncared about about whipping boy of the WAC.  Every year your season flies by the peripheral of national football concern.  You go to practice, play your games, and go on about your everyday lives without causing more than a ripple of conversation outside that lonely silicon valley.

Well Spartans, I plead you, let this year be different.  On October 16, you will be given a chance to be known, to end a wave of embarrassing cruelty that has covered this nation for too long.  Forget Utah, forget UC Davis, and by God, forget Nevada.  Your destiny lies at home.  On October 16 you will be attacked in your home by a fog of unecesarily smug blueness.  And you must stop it. 

As the Broncos waltz their way through a schedule that most respected high school squads could navigate without much difficulty, be the road block.  Stand tall Spartans, and fight back.  Spend your next few weeks focusing on nothing and noone besides those napoleonic, attention seeking delusionists.  Become the topic of conversation, have your moment in the sun on sportscenter, and by God, gain the love and respect of the football loving public.  I leave you now to get back to work San Jose State, your journey is but beginning.  May the football gods shine upon your faces.

Cheggplant Parmesan

OK, so I know I said I didn't know if I would ever post again, and that was only about 3 minutes ago, but I wanted to get this recipe down before I forget all of my genius ideas.  Also, as I have mentioned before, my recipes are extremely confidential so if everyone would please take a moment and scroll to the bottom of the page to sign my Non-Disclosure Agreement we can move right along....

Obviously Im kidding.  I am pretty much doubting anyone would read this anyway, but Non-Disclosure Agreements are for delusional pyschopaths with inflated ego problems.  Ive never said I was good at cooking, just that I like to do it.  And people seem to like it, which is always good, since if Im going to write a blog post I obviously crave at least a little attention.

Anyway, some friends of mine cooked dinner for me the other night, and it was awesome, but now the favor has been asked to be returned.  My little sister ran into them while pregaming to watch the Crimson Tide crush Penn State, and in her tipsy/chatty/slightly pinkfaced state she mentioned to them that I cook from time to time.  Way to keep those secrets sis.  Anyway, I really dont mind, they fed me and Im happy to do the same.  Plus I spend half my time in a city where I hardly know anyone and the majority of the people surrounding me and undergrads, so its nice to have some regular people to hang out with.

To get to the point, I have been thinking about the recipe for a couple of days and have really been waiting for a chance to try it out.  What Im thinking is to do a baked eggplant and chicken parmesan.  Ill call it Cheggplant parmesan.  Brilliant.  I know.

To start, im going to get six chicken breasts and pound them out until they are a little thinner and flatter than a regular breast.  To be totally honest, I am not completely sure why I am going to do that, but I swear I heard you were supposed to somewhere, and in my brain it sounds like a good idea.  I am going to marinate those in whatever italian dressing I can find around the house, if I cant find any I will probably just use redwine or balsamic vinegar and oil, in the long run I really dont think it matters all that much. 

Next I am going to take the eggplant, cut it into inch thick slices and throw it in a pan with some olive oil and rosemary set on a pretty high temp, and cook both sides just a little bit.  Once the chicken has marinated a little bit I am going to put it on the bottom of a baking pan. 

Instead of tomato sauce, I am going to cut up a bunch of tomatoes as thin as I possibly can, cover them in thyme and spread them out over each chicken breast.  How thin I can get them will determine how many layers I put on, but just make sure theres enough.  Cover that in sliced parmesan.  Dont buy the powder stuff.  Please.

On top of the chicken and tomatoes I will throw the eggplant.  Pretty much just for looks Ill probably throw a thin tomato slice on top of each of those before I thoroughly cover it in parmesan SLICES as well.  Then Im going to throw that in the oven for about 45 minutes on 350.  Who knows if thats the right cooking time, but it sounds right, just make sure the chicken isnt still pink and I think youll live.  But dont quote me on that.

For noodles, Im just going to cook some angel hair to throw it on.  Something I was just thinking about that I might try is to put a bunch of sliced garlic cloves in the water before I boil it for the noodles.  Seriously no idea if that will work but it sounds like a good idea so by God I am going to try it.  When the garlic noodles are cooked I am going to toss them with olive oil lemon juice and lemon zest (and if my garlic clove idea fails then some garlic salt). 

Put the cooked cheggplant on some noodles on a plate and begin consuming.