Superman 1

Let me preface by saying Superman I might be one the greatest movies of all time.  But still, there are a handful of issues SOMEONE in that production studio had to have stopped and thought about before dropping that.

To begin with, the most obvious moment of contention, turning back time.  Im not even going to get into the problems with the physics and how making the world reverse its rotation would actually kill everyone on the planet instead of turning back time.  No, Im going to be charitable and just grant them that Superman does in fact have that power.  But if he were to do that in this particular case, how come every single thing goes back to how it was except for the fact that there is a nuclear warhead flying straight for the San Andreas fault.  Lois comes back to life, Jimmy is all good by the Hoover dam, but that bombs destruction is somehow negated.

Also, when Superman flies into the core of the earth the realighn the fault line, how come the earth just flies straight back up from where it fell onto itself.  I thought all he was going to do was hold the two pieces together so that California didnt fall into the ocean.  Plus, if he did actually push that dirt back up to where it was wouldnt there at least be a scar.  Now, I realize that this was made in the 70s and all they really had as far as special effects was playing the footage of them creating the earthquake in reverse, but come on...

Also, let me stand very clear in the fact that little oddities of old movies are one of the best parts about them.  They were awesome stories that did not have to focus completely on special effects to make them seem  believable.  But for me, the bitching about these little issues is still one of the joys of watching them, so I stand by the fact that these are not complaints, only observations. 

Now that I got off on that tengent I forgot my other points.  I think I have a real paper to write so I should probably go do that.

Cold Fusion!!!! The World is Saved!!!!

People, I have done it, I have finally found prrof that cold fusion exists, essentially ending the world's energy crisis and saving humanity for suffering!  So... a cat just jumped on me.  Here I was minding my own business, preparing to fill in the world on my earth shattering scientific findings, when, boom, a baby african snow leopard attacked.  All of my instincts and training told me get into attack position, but I realized I had not stretched and I would be at serious risk of pulling a hammie.  So, change in plan, I kept minding my own business and waited for the beast to fall asleep.  While overall successful, unfortunately the ferocious monster collapsed on top of me.  So here I am, with this giant cat on top of me, unable to finish telling you the secrets of the world. 

Seriously though, where did this cat come from?  I dont even own a cat.  Wait, this isnt even my apartment...

Well hello there blogosphere. Oh how I tried to resist you....first I succumbed to the stalking thrill of reading other people's blogs, and now I have been sucked into posting my own ramblings for the world to see and stalk as it pleases. But, as John mentioned, I'm very important and was practically begged to join this here blog.

So for my first bit of nonsense, I want to turn to the all important subject of cats. I'm a dog person. I like dogs. Period. Cats--I could do without them. My aversion to cats stems mostly from our childhood devil-cat, Pepper. I just wanted Pepper to be my friend. I wanted to "hug her and squeeze her into itty-bitty pieces!" and throw her over my shoulder and parade her around the house. I wanted to put funny hats on her and wrap her in blankets. I basically wanted to treat Pepper like I did our loving Labrador. Long story short, my brothers called me Elmyra

(yes friends, this is an Animaniacs reference) and the cat hated me. In turn, I hated the cat and most cats I've met since.

So when brother John and my boyfriend decided to get a cat...my first reaction--gross. My mom's ranting about her own hatred for cats only exacerbated the situation. Also, this news came at the end of a week where the office cat, Marigold, had left a pukey surprise on or near my desk every morning. And I had just discovered a tribe of cats living in the vacant house next door to ours.

However, as I was complaining to a coworker, I swear Marigold understood me. She spent the entire day sitting in my lap and loving me, basically trying to prove that her species has some redeeming qualities. I'm not totally convinced, but I am slowly learning to accept that cats are like everywhere I go now. Gross. I mean - fun!

Corporation Expansion

To all of my imaginary audience I have an important and ground breaking announcement to make.  We will soon have a new contributor to our blog.  Yes, I know, all of you have trouble understanding how anyone could improve on my already lifechanging content, but the higher ups have decided that my three week lack of posts is a severe misuse of my time and have gone over my head to bring in a celebrity writer.  You have probably heard of her through her take over of the i-banking world, but world renowned writer and connoisseur of all things awesome Katherine Perry is being brought in to spice things up a little.  I only ask that you not forget us mere mortals in the blogosphere as she captivates you with her electric ramblings about God knows what.

Seriously, I dont know why the bosses brought her on, or what she is going to write about, but I guess we will figure that out sooner or later.  Thats it for now.

Caterpillar (No Hooka)

Alright, before all of the people (not) reading this have a chance to totally jump down this little guy's throat I am going to go ahead and throw it out there.  This is the lamest caterpillar ever.  Not only did he give up his perch on some sweet mushroom somewhere, he has no hooka to be seen.  And trust me, I looked.

In all seriousness though, this is one nasty looking bug.  Bugs dont typically bother me.  im not just saying that because I am a super tough and cool macho dude (which  of course I am), but bugs snakes and critters have just never really made me uncomfortable.  That is until I met this little guy. 

This is on a tomato plant I had bought at Home Depot the day before.  The plant isnt even in the ground at this point so it is pretty safe to assume that he just traveled in my car with me.  At first I just thought he was an odd looking leaf, and I went to brush him off.  But as my hand approached, and I do not exagerate here, that little monster turned his head, looked me in the eye and hissed at me.  Yes, he hissed.  Just like some sort of rabid animal protecting his territory.  It sent chills down my spine and he still haunts my dreams.  Granted he doesn't haunt my garden because I picked up a stick and poked at him like a little girl until he finally let go of  his deathlock on my plant long enough for me to sweep him into the creek.  I would have crushed him, but the last thing I wanted was to have his family seeking revenge.

Just look at his face, that bug is pure unadulterated evil.

DOG

This guy is buckled in for safety.

Ode to San Jose State

Oh San Jose State, you unknown, uncared about about whipping boy of the WAC.  Every year your season flies by the peripheral of national football concern.  You go to practice, play your games, and go on about your everyday lives without causing more than a ripple of conversation outside that lonely silicon valley.

Well Spartans, I plead you, let this year be different.  On October 16, you will be given a chance to be known, to end a wave of embarrassing cruelty that has covered this nation for too long.  Forget Utah, forget UC Davis, and by God, forget Nevada.  Your destiny lies at home.  On October 16 you will be attacked in your home by a fog of unecesarily smug blueness.  And you must stop it. 

As the Broncos waltz their way through a schedule that most respected high school squads could navigate without much difficulty, be the road block.  Stand tall Spartans, and fight back.  Spend your next few weeks focusing on nothing and noone besides those napoleonic, attention seeking delusionists.  Become the topic of conversation, have your moment in the sun on sportscenter, and by God, gain the love and respect of the football loving public.  I leave you now to get back to work San Jose State, your journey is but beginning.  May the football gods shine upon your faces.